Created Male #3: Fatherhood
Today is that
special Hallmark Sunday called Father’s day.
The day we set aside to especially honor fathers, we give him a
tie. Oh, please don’t. I know the fashionistas are saying it's time
to dress up again, but let him buy his own tie.
It’s hard to find a tie that goes well with a plaid shirt. It’ll be a challenge.
One of the biggest
crimes in our culture today is the absentee dad. In our culture, today boys are masquerading
as men, making babies, and then running away from the responsibility of raising
their kids. This abandonment can be
emotional or physical. Worse is when the
boy posing as a man uses his physical strength to abuse his child. When a culture gets out of sync with God it
creates a hell on earth. There are far
too many kids experiencing hell at the hand of their fathers.
There are five
gifts a father gives his children. The
first is he lives a Godly life. Second,
he loves his children’s mother. The third
gift is discipline. The fourth and fifth gifts are gender-specific, given to
his son, given to his daughter. On
Father’s day let’s explore the gifts a dad gives to his kids.
Gift #1 Living a
Godly life. A Godly life is lived when a
man allows his life to be molded in the image of God. Entrance into a Godly life is through faith
in Jesus. Sin, the self-centered upon
itself, with all its consequences, separated him from living a Godly life. Jesus takes care of a man’s sins in a heroic
sacrifice, He presents Himself on the Cross, takes upon himself the sins of
every human, and makes atonement for those sins so that everyone who believes
can be forgiven and reconciled to God.
The one who believes is reconciled to God, the separation ends, the Holy
Spirit indwells empowering the man to live valiantly and courageously in which
Jesus lived. We can summarize the way Jesus lived with two observations. Jesus lived obediently to the One He called
the Father’s will. When a man lives like
Jesus he bends his knee vowing to serve God with all his heart, mind, soul, and
strength. Jesus loved others. This love is seen in Jesus meeting the needs
of others. If a person's need was a confrontation, rebuke, or correction, Jesus
gave it. If a person needed forgiveness,
compassion, or healing, Jesus gave it.
Jesus instructed people how to live with his words, his parables, and by
how he lived his life. We can sum up
the summary simply by observing that living a Godly life is to live a life of
ferocious love. Show yourself to be a man.
Dad, are you living
a life of ferocious love? If not today
you can be transformed. Acknowledge that
living a Godly life is not what you are doing.
Believe that Jesus makes it possible for you to live the way you were
created to live. Commit yourself to the
transformation. Ask God to accept your
faith. Then your journey will
begin. Today becomes the day of the
great adventure of overcoming Satan’s schemes and setting the Devil’s prisoners
free and bring the kingdom of God to this world. It will also liberate your own
life and set you free. Being a Godly
father is a great gift to your children.
Gift #2 Love your
Children’s Mother. When your kids know
that you love their mom it creates a sense of security. A man honors the woman he married, the mother
of his children. He treats her as a
companion, an equal partner in life (1 Peter 3:7). He listens to her and does what will make her
life better. He provides and
protects. Marriage was designed to be
the place of unconditional love. Loving her doesn’t mean you love yourself
less, it means you will sacrifice to meet the need she has. He is not a
dictator while he leads. Remember, the
man is the head of the house, the woman is the neck.
Husbands, go all
out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love
marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words
evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out
of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is
how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a
favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.
A parental conflict
isn’t a problem if parents can resolve their differences. But when dad pulls away from mom, kids
respond with depression, anxiety, and acting out. [Kids Are Emotionally Harmed When Parents Fight - WebMD] A child’s
emotional security is greatly impacted by mom and dad’s love for each other [E.
Mark Cummings]. “If dad stopped loving
mom, maybe we will stop loving me too.” When a husband loves his wife he
removes unnecessary pitfalls and traps from his kid’s life. Loving your children’s mother is a great gift
to your children. Show yourself to be a man.
Gift #3 Discipline
(Proverbs 22:6). Fathers give the gift
of discipline to their children. We are
not suggesting the hot-tempered authoritarian punisher of all wrongdoing. The purpose of discipline is to teach
self-control and proper social rules.
Consider this discipline has its roots in the word that means pupil (discipulus), from which we get the word
disciple. Fathers are teachers,
demonstrating how a person is to live, by his words and deeds. They teach right from wrong, God’s way of the
kingdom from the self-gratification of the culture. Amazingly a father’s discipline begins in his
child’s infancy, dads are to be responsive, stimulating, and encouraging with
their babies. It builds emotional bonds.
When that baby turns into a toddler and learns the word “NO!” a dad sets
boundaries for behavior and protection.
There is a reward for right doing and correction for wrongdoing. The correction need not be capital, like
spanking, nor harsh like yelling to frighten a child into obedience, but rather
corresponding to what needs to be taught.
It’s a calm and consistent correction that well disciplines a child. Remember
discipline is about training, punishment is the vengeance of bad behavior
(Proverbs 3:12). Discipline teaches that actions have consequences. Punishment teaches don’t get caught.
Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)
Fathers, do not
exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and
instruction of the Lord.
Exasperate means to
irritate to the point of infuriation.
Don’t discipline in such a fashion that it promotes inordinate anger in
your child. You don’t want to break their spirit, you want to guide them in the
use of their strength. This takes skill and patience. Dad’s don’t pass this responsibility over to
The goal is to
teach the child to obey authority, to know that one thrives within the
boundaries and one is at extreme risk outside those boundaries. This works best when you are not an angry man
Dad’s catch the
other part of that verse, “train and instruct in the things of the Lord.” Dad doesn’t pass that spiritual
responsibility off to mom either. In
previous teaching we raised the problem with the religious church, it is not
male-oriented, so men tend to shy away. By not participating dad unwittingly teach
that the spiritual life is not necessary.
Don’t hear me saying that you have to go to church to be spiritual, no,
but you do need to gather with believers to admonish one another in the teachings
of the Lord. Read the scriptures to your kids, pray with your kids, have your
kids join you as you use your gifts to help someone else out. Show your kids that you are under the authority
of your heavenly Father. Demonstrate how you worship, how you serve someone
greater than yourself. This is not
shoving religion down their throats, this is living a Godly life before your
kids (Deuteronomy 11:18-19). Wise
discipline is a great gift to your children. Show yourself to be a man.
Gift #4 To your Daughter. There is a great gift that a father gives to
his daughter, make her feel precious, make her feel worthy to be fought for,
make her feel that she is captivating.
Think about the stories girls like, the handsome knight finds the
princess so enthralling that he goes on a quest to win her hand when he
completes the quest, he finds the dragon has captured her and taken her away,
so he goes and fights and overcomes impossible odds, saving her they ride off
into the sunset. You get the idea. She needs to be wanted, she wants to be
fought for, she wants to be the priority (John Eldredge, Wild At Heart, p.16). She
wants to see that she is that special in your eyes dad. You’re not creating a diva by cheering her
on, telling her she is lovely, that she is talented, that she is the apple of
your eye, by listening to her stories, by calling our her gifts and
graces. No, you’re raising a strong
resilient woman who knows what she wants and won’t compromise her
standards. She knows she is absolutely
safe with you around, you are her protector.
She knows you are her provider of everything she needs to flourish. She sees how you treat her mom and learns how
a man is supposed to treat his wife. She
expects to be treated with respect and honor.
She learns what her heavenly Father is like through you. You do this by giving her your attention,
drop what you’re doing and pay attention, listening to her, and being there for
her. Proving to your daughter that she is wonderful in your sight is a great
gift to give her. Show yourself to be a man.
Gift #5 To your
Son. A boy needs a man to mentor him
into manhood. Dad, you’re the role
model. Your son is watching you all the
time, he’s learning what he is supposed to be, he sees what you are doing and
is going to imitate it, replicate it in his life. When you do it, right dad, your son learns
that he has what it takes, that he is capable, that he’s got what it takes to
get the job done. Just go back and
review our first teaching in this series, all those positive masculine traits
he picks up from you. The place your son
needs to learn masculinity is from you.
He learns how to face difficulty from you, he learns how to treat women
from you, he learns how to be dependable from you. Integrity, honesty, endurance, honor,
courage, all are lessons he learns from you.
Mom can’t do that for him, a woman can’t be a role model for a man. You sir are vitally important, indispensable
in leading your boy into being a man that you are proud of, the kind of man the
world needs (Proverbs 23:24). He learns
what his heavenly Father is like through you. Show yourself to be a man.
Walking through HB
Central Park with Sherri I saw something that put a smile on my face, a Dad and
Son wrestling, the son looked like he may have been 5 or 6, and he was
winning. I could hear dad’s grunts and
groans and the son’s laughter. I thought
this dad is teaching his son to be powerful.
“You took me on, you can take anything on.” What a wonderful gift to give to your son. Imparting to your son that he has what it
takes is a great gift.
Fathers are Godly
men, who love their children’s mother, who discipline wisely, who makes his
daughter know she is desirable, and who makes his son know he’s capable. These
are the great gifts a father gives to his children. There is such empowerment in a person’s life
when they know that dad is proud of them.
Sir, what if you
messed up? Then go make things right. You
most likely have missed the opportune time to gift your kid, but it is amazing
how acknowledging that you messed up, and telling them that you are truly sorry
can do in bringing healing to all lives concerned. Think about it. I am available to talk it over with you.
If your father
didn’t give you these gifts you have a heavenly Father, who will re-parent you
if you are willing to receive it from Him.
It is a difficult journey, there is much to be unlearned and much to
discover about who you are, but the Holy Spirit will guide you through and you
will flourish in the Father’s love. Think about it. I am available to talk it over with you.
never been an easy task. It seems even
more difficult in our culture now than ever before. Remember God empowers you sir to do the
difficult, to meet the challenge, and to do it well. The Holy Spirit will give you the grace to
show yourself to be a man. So man up.
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