Right Relationships with Others #4


Right Relationships with Others #4

 1 John 2:29 (MSG)

Once you're convinced that he is right and righteous, you'll recognize that all who practice righteousness are God's true children.

 In our teachings on relating rightly with others, we’ve been learning how to create, maintain and deepen our connections with the people in our lives.  Relating rightly is all about loving well.  Even when not reciprocated you can love well. 

 From our first session, you learned that everything rises and falls on relationships.  When you decide to get your relationship right with God you begin a process of transformation enabling you to right your relationships with others.

 We’ve looked at 30 characteristic behaviors of people enjoying thriving relationships.  That list will be available online.  

 From our second session, you learned about the 6 relational bonds necessary for creating, maintaining, and growing a right relationship.  Time, Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, and Touch.  You know there is a relational “safe zone” that is conducive to deepening your connections. 

 (RAM- Relationship Attachment Model – Mighty MarriaRges (wordpress.com) )

 There’s a logical progression with our safe zone diagram.  “What you know about a person determines that degree you should trust an individual.  Trust helps you discern the degree you can rely on this person to help you in becoming the person God created you to be.  When you rely on someone you know that your friend is there for you, that they have your back, and that your heart is safe in their hands  Your commitment is the priority you place on that relationship.  The commit fader increases over time as you know, trust, and relay the three faders to the left increase.  The touch fader is about the degree of intimacy you share in your relationship.”  ( Van Epp & De Gance, Endgame: The Church’s Strategic Move To Save Faith and Family in America, p.169.)

 From our third session, you learned how to evaluate if your relationship is out of balance and how to then make the adjustments.  You also learned that communication is the most effective way to make relational adjustments.

 In this fourth teaching, we are going to examine intrapersonal skills that will help you make your relationships with others thrive.  Intrapersonal skills deal with how you get along with others.  These skills are learned, and these skills are to be perfected over time.  We are only going to consider three: self-confidence, practicing kindness and compassion, and having a positive attitude. 

 It is important to realize that love is the foundation of these skills. 

 1 John 4:7-8 (MSG)

My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love.

 Every who loves.  We are talking about those 30 characteristic behaviors that a lover does.  Again you’ll find them in your notes and later online in the comment section for today's HBCC Church live stream on Facebook and on our hbcc.life website.

 Love one another (John 13:34 - This command occurs at least 16 times)

Be devoted to one another (Romans 12:10)

Honor one another above yourselves (Romans 12:10)

Live in harmony with one another (Romans 12:16)

Build up one another (Romans 14:19; 1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Be likeminded towards one another (Romans 15:5)

Accept one another (Romans 15:7)

Admonish one another (Romans 15:14; Colossians 3:16)

Greet one another (Romans 16:16)

Care for one another (1 Corinthians 12:25)

Serve one another (Galatians 5:13)

Bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2)

Forgive one another (Ephesians 4:2, 32; Colossians 3:13)

Be patient with one another (Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13)

Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15, 25)

Be kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32)

Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs (Ephesians 5:19)

Submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21, 1 Peter 5:5)

Consider others better than yourselves (Philippians 2:3)

Look to the interests of one another (Philippians 2:4)

Bear with one another (Colossians 3:13)

Teach one another (Colossians 3:16)

Comfort one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18)

Encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Exhort one another (Hebrews 3:13)

Stir up [provoke, stimulate] one another to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24)

Show hospitality to one another (1 Peter 4:9)

Employ the gifts that God has given us for the benefit of one another (1 Peter 4:10)

Clothe yourselves with humility towards one another (1 Peter 5:5)

Pray for one another (James 5:16)

Confess your faults to one another (James 5:16)

(Source unknown)

 Jesus summed up all those 30 behaviors simply as love others as you love yourself.  The golden rule is scripture:

 Matthew 7:12 (MSG)

"Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them.

 If you grew up in a church-going family you may have heard it recited as “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

 Treat others in the same way you want to be treated.  That’s what lovers do.  When you do what lovers do, it is a demonstration that you are right with God.  You know the gospel—how the Son of Man came to seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10).  The “lost” refers to humanity estranged from God.  Genesis reveals the human predicament, humanity was created enjoying a relationship with God, a relationship predicated on love.  Love must always be a choice.  Our representative Adam choose not to love and this created this separation from God for every one of us.  This separation is sin and from it springs sins from our determination to do life as we see fit.  The result is more broken relationships.  We use people, we consider others inferior, we ignore the needs of others, and we exploit others, and if we can we take what they have and use it to further our agendas.  God devised a plan: 

 John 3:16 (MSG)

"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life.

Jesus the Son, was the new representative for humanity.  Instead of choosing as did our first representative Adam, Jesus sacrificed himself in an act of selfless love, that made it possible for you to be reconciled to the One He called Father, to God.   You appropriate the work of Jesus through faith acknowledging your relationship with God is messed up, believing that Jesus’s atoning sacrifice makes it possible for you to be reconciled to God, so you commit yourself to live a new way as a follower of Jesus and you simply ask God to save you, to bring you into a right relationship with Him, and He does.  “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved (Joel 2:32, Romans 10:13).  The God who is love takes up residence within you empowering you to be a lover.  This gospel, you can accept or reject, it is your choice.  I urge you to think about it, examine yourself, and look around you, does this world need lovers.  If so then become one.

 Last time we talked about keeping our relationships in the safe zone.  We know that the best relationships need to be balanced from time to time.  The faders need to be brought back into the correct alignment.  You will recall that communication was key in adjusting the faders.  You have two ears, and one mouth, when it comes to communication listen twice as much before you talk (James 1:19). 

 In addition to communication, three intrapersonal skills keep your relationship thriving.  self-confidence, practicing kindness and compassion and having a positive attitude. 

Self-confidence is knowing that you can get the job done, that you are capable, and that you are competent.  Self-confidence comes from knowing who you are.  The best way to find out who you are is to find out what God says about you.  In your notes, Dr. Neil Anderson has compiled a list to get you started in finding out who you are according to God.  This list will be posted on the likely suspects.


(From “Living Free in Christ” by Dr. Neil Anderson)


John 1:12 I am God’s child. John 15:15 I am Christ’s friend. Romans 5:1 I have been justified. 1 Cor. 6:17 I am united with the Lord, and I am one spirit with Him 1 Cor 6:19,20 I have been bought with a price. I belong to God. 1 Cor. 12:27I am a member of Christ’s body. Eph. 1:1 I am a saint. Eph. 1:5 I have been adopted as God’s child. Eph. 2:18 I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit. Col. 1:14 I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. Col. 2:10 I am complete in Christ.


Rom. 8:1,2 I am free forever from condemnation. Rom. 8:28 I am assured that all things work together for good. Rom. 8:31f I am free from any condemning charges against me. Rom. 8:35f I cannot be separated from the love of God. 2 Cor. 1:21,22 I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God. Col. 3:3 I am hidden with Christ in God. Phil. 1:6 I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected. Phil. 3:20 I am a citizen of heaven. 2 Tim. 1:7 I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. Heb. 4:16 I can find grace and mercy in time of need. 1 John 5:18 I am born of God, and the evil one cannot touch me.


Matt. 5:13,14 I am the salt and light of the earth. John 15:1,5 I am a branch of the true vine, a channel of His life. John 15:16 I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit. Acts 1:8 I am a personal witness of Christ’s. 1 Cor. 3:16 I am God’s temple. 2 Cor. 5:17f I am a minister of reconciliation for God. 2 Cor. 6:1 I am God’s co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9). Eph. 2:6 I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm. Eph. 2:10 I am God’s workmanship. Eph. 3:12 I may approach God with freedom and confidence. Phil. 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  ( https://mesuandrews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/05-29-15-WHO-AM-I-in-Christ.pdf#:~:text=WHO%20AM%20I%3F%20%28From%20%E2%80%9CLiving%20Free%20in%20Christ%E2%80%9D,6%3A19%2C20%20I%20have%20been%20bought%20with%20a%20price. )

 What you are going to find out is that you are accepted, you are secure, and you are significant.  Now, you can believe the lies you’ve been told about who you are and the agreements you made about yourself or you can believe the truth of what God says about you.  Your choice.  Choose wisely.  There was a time I had Dr. Anderson’s list taped to my bathroom mirror and read it when I got up and went to bed.  This transformation of thinking helps you become righteously self-confident.

 In your desire to create, maintain, and deepen the intimacy of a right relationship you’ll use both kindness and compassion.  If you are diligently practicing the 30 characteristics of a person thriving in a righteous relationship you’ll already are doing this.  Kindness is all about being friendly and considerate.  Kindness generates a warmth around you that is inviting.  It shows on your face (Proverbs 15:13).  It comes from really caring about other people.  This goes right along with compassion.  Compassion can be a feeling you have for the misfortunes of others, but you also take compassion to the next level by praying for God’s intervention and also doing something tangible to meet the need.  Kindness and compassion push faders up, a lack does the opposite. 

 Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

 Kind, compassionate, and forgiving.  Forgiving is part of kindness and compassion.  Now when someone lets you down, when someone sins against you, forgiveness is given to release your need to get even, to collect a debt.  When you’re a debt collector you’re enslaved to the person that you demand payment.  If the sin is great enough they most likely will never, ever, be able to recompense you for what they did.  Give it to God. 

 Romans 12:18-19 (NIV)

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.

 The trust fader is heading toward zero.  Forgiveness makes it possible to stop the drop and over time allow it to rise.  Forgiveness is not stupid, you don’t forget what happened and leave yourself open for another hurt.  Forgiveness is the start of reconciling a relationship but doesn’t guarantee a reconciliation is going to occur.  Listen, you can forgive someone and never have another thing to do with them.  Forgiveness is letting go of the slight, the betrayal, the injury so that you can move on, learn from the experience and push forward into the glorious future God has for you. 

 Righteous self-confidence, kindness, compassion, a willingness to forgive, and having a positive attitude help you to communicate effectively and balance the five relational bonds of Know, Trust, Rely, Commit and Touch.  A positive attitude projects encouragement and optimism.  A positive attitude looks for the best and calls it forward.  I enjoy being around people with a positive attitude.  There are so many downers in life, but a positive attitude in an upper.  Joy is the foundation of a positive attitude. 

 Proverbs 15:13 (MSG)

A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face; a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day.

 This joy comes from the security you experience within the relationship you share with God (1 Peter 1:8-9).  This kind of positive attitude refreshes people. (Philemon 1:7).  “Your face telegraphs your attitude toward life, toward others, and about yourself.  Your countenance creates a climate that attracts people toward you or causes them to move away from you.  When you simile first, you have decided the direction the relationship will go.”  YOUR COUNTENANCE CREATES A CLIMATE THAT ATTRACTS PEOPLE (dandyworldnews.com)

 These intrapersonal skills, righteous self-confidence, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, and a positive attitude will serve you well in every interaction you have with others.  Even that person who is KARENIZING, you still can be a lover.  You maintain your cool, you maintain control, and you become proactive.  These skills also make you a people magnet.  Folks generally gravitate towards loving people.

 Here’s a little trick that I try to practice.  People’s actions can elicit an angry response from me.  When I feel the fuze burning, I take 3 deep breaths exhaling them slowly.  This helps my body to relax and gives my brain the oxygen it needs to think, which helps me avoid a reaction, which is just not being in control of yourself.  So if we are having a conversation and suddenly you notice I am not speaking but breathing deeply, you may want to say something like:  Let’s pick this conversation up at a later time” and walk away.  Give yourself a cool-down time and return to the issue.

 From this series on relating to others, you have some new tools in your relational toolbox, to help you have the kind of relationships that God wants you to enjoy.

 You know it is through a right relationship with God that you are empowered to create, maintain, and deepen relationships with others.

 You have 30 behaviors that are characteristic of a thriving relationship.  Remember to put this righteousness to work, those 20 behaviors,  in your life right now.

 You know the five relational bonds that over time create a thriving relationship.  Knowing, Trusting, Relying, Committing, and Touching, in a proper relationship create the safe zone for growing together.

 You know that even the best relationships get out of balance now and then and that communication is key to rebalancing the safe zone faders.

 Then in this session, you have 3 intrapersonal skills, righteous self-confidence, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, and a positive attitude that work like a magnet in attracting people and that work like oil lubricating the gears of your relationships.

 You can relate rightly to others.  Put these truths into practice and you will.  God wants you to experience the blessing of Psalm 133:1

Psalms 133:1 (MSG)

How wonderful, how beautiful, when brothers and sisters get along.

 Chose to access the empowerment to create wonderful and beautiful relationships.



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